Amar o depender walter riso pdf
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To love or to depend? A reference book in situations of couple crisis. Giving oneself affectively does not imply disappearing in the other, but integrating oneself respectfully. Healthy love is a sum of two, in which no one loses. Affective dependence on one’s partner sooner or later generates suffering and depression. Millions of people around the world are victims of inadequate love relationships and do not know what to do about it, since the fear of loss, loneliness or abandonment contaminates the love bond and makes it highly vulnerable. An insecure love is a time bomb that can explode at any moment and hurt us deeply. However, and contrary to what our culture seems to establish, it is possible to love independently and still continue loving. It is possible to eliminate psychological ties and, in spite of everything, keep the fire of love alive.
It is worth clarifying that, when I speak of affective attachment, I am referring to psychological dependence on one’s partner. The bonds of friendship and consanguineous affinity constitute a qualitatively different category, and are beyond the scope of the present text. However, it is important to make an observation. When attachment is studied in the parent-child relationship, the analysis must be framed in more biological issues. Attachment here would seem to serve an important adaptive function. Without ignoring the possible risks of suffocating maternal or paternal love, it is evident that a moderate amount of attachment helps parents to avoid giving up and children to be able to support us. When the attachment (biological attachment) is decreed by natural laws, it should not be discarded, it is a matter of survival. But if the attachment is mental (psychological dependence), we must get out of it as soon as possible. From now on I will speak indistinctly of affective attachment, attachment to the partner and affective attachment to the partner. Desire is not attachment Attachment alone is not enough to configure the disease of attachment.
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Título Globalisierung und finanzielles Chaos er Sicht Autor(es) Pepping, Hans-Joachim Editor(es) Citation 大 阪 府 立 大 学 紀 要 ( 人 文 社 会 科 学 ). 2011, 59, p.19-26 Fecha de publicación 2011-03-31 URL http://hdl.handle.net/10466/11869
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Attachment is addiction To depend on the person one loves is a way of burying oneself in life, an act of psychological self-mutilation where self-love, self-respect and the essence of oneself are irrationally offered and given away.
When the dependence is mutual, the entanglement is dismal and tragicomic: if one sneezes, the other blows his nose. Or, in an equally unhealthy description if one is cold, the other puts on a coat. «My existence is meaningless without her», «I live by and for him», «She is everything to me», «He is the most important thing in my life», «I don’t know what I would do without her», «If he were to miss me, I would kill myself», «I idolize you», «I need you», in short, the list of these types of expressions and «declarations of love» is endless and quite well known.
On more than one occasion we have recited them, sung them under a window, written them or, simply, they have sprouted from a beating heart eager to communicate affection. We think that these statements are samples of the purest and unconditional feelings. Contradictorily, tradition has tried to inculcate in us a distorted and pessimistic paradigm: authentic love, irremediably, must be infected with addiction.
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The strength of flexible thinking lies in the fact that, despite inner resistance and external obstacles, we all have the capacity to reinvent ourselves and allow ourselves to flow intelligently with life’s events.
With language that is both accessible and profound, the successful author of Think Well, Feel Well demonstrates in this new book that cultivating an open and free attitude is possible and necessary to achieve a fuller, more intense and healthier life.
Its content deals with the importance of returning to the natural and knowing how to integrate biological emotions into our lives in a constructive way. The author shows the difference between primary emotions, which must be saved, and secondary emotions, invented by culture, which must be eliminated. More specifically, fear, anger, pain, sadness and joy are rescued, their healing properties are shown and the danger of their similar ones invented by the mind: anxiety, resentment, depression and attachment is warned. The book is based on the latest data from cognitive psychology and modern emotion theory, as well as on the author’s clinical experience.